Think of something in your life that you’ve wanted to accomplish but haven’t. Maybe you haven’t gotten around to it, are too timid to go for it, or took a shot and failed spectacularly.

In the years I’ve spent helping other people overcome their personal issues, I’ve often been asked what the biggest cause of failure was that I’ve come across.

Some people have relationship problems, some have money problems, others have anxiety issues, etc. But the biggest problems I’ve seen in many of these people were not specific to relationships, money, confidence or whatever.

When confronted with life’s biggest opportunities, most of us shit the bed. And then we enact a number of strategies to avoid the pain and pressure inherent in reaching for our dreams.

Below are 10 of the most common strategies for reluctance I can think of. We’ll start at the shallow end and work our way to the deep end.

YOU FAIL BECAUSE YOU’RE AFRAID TO STAND OUT AMONG THE CROWD

Emerson wrote, “Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the self-reliance of every one of its members.”People don’t like it when other people change or do something that makes them feel awkward or insecure. Pushing ourselves to reach our own greatness threatens the complacency of those around us, shining a light on their own squashed dreams and failed potential.In many cases, these people lash out. It makes them question themselves, which is difficult for most to handle.

If you want to do something incredible, something that makes you stand out above the rest, then you have to become comfortable being different from the rest.

People will think you’re weird, crazy, selfish, arrogant, irresponsible, obnoxious, stupid, disrespectful, fat, insecure, ugly, shallow, etc. Those closest to you will often become the harshest. If you have weak boundaries or are not confident with your own ideas and desires, then you’re not going to make it very far.

YOU’RE NOT PERSISTENT ENOUGH

Most of us give up on something we’re passionate about too soon. And anyone who’s been successful has a tale of struggle and perseverance to share.As the cliche goes, nothing worth having comes easy.

YOU FAIL BECAUSE YOU LACK HUMILITY

There are many people out there who accomplish a little bit and decide that they are an expert. Humility is knowing what you don’t know.The people who had a big mouth, who regularly went on and on about what they accomplished, exaggerated their successes and sapped the attention from those around them—they were moderately successful at best. Sometimes they were not successful at all; i.e., they still had day jobs or even lived with their parents. Yet they were more than willing to dole out their sage wisdom to anyone and everyone who would listen.

But the people who were legitimate, self-made millionaires, the ones who actually did scale to the peaks of their industries, they often admitted they did not know an answer, they downplayed their successes (or usually never even mentioned them). Instead, they regularly pointed out their weaknesses and how they needed to learn more.

YOU FAIL TO NETWORK AND BUILD STRONG RELATIONSHIPS

I’m a perennial loner. I’m also a mild control freak with my projects. Whether it’s insecurity or obsessiveness or plain arrogance, I have trouble letting people influence whatever I’m working on or am passionate about.

But again we have these people who fail to build relationships and networks and focus on less productive activities and unbecoming characters. They focus on character assassination and they never focus on what is good for them and others but they focus on destroying even those helping them. Such a person can’t succeed in life.

YOU FAIL BECAUSE YOU’D RATHER ARGUE AGAINST ADVICE INSTEAD OF TAKING IT

Guaranteed express ticket to sucking: trying to be right instead of good.I don’t care what it is, if you’re more invested in arguing your point of view against people who are trying to help you than you are in improving yourself, then you’ve effectively given up.

YOU FAIL BECAUSE YOU’RE TOO DISTRACTED

Instead of focusing on achieving your goals. You spend hours on social media and not even marketing a single product. Facebook newsfeed, Tweets, Reddits, sub-Reddits, Imgur, check email, Facebook again, back to Imgur, oh a funny comic strip, post on Facebook, check email again, message on Facebook, funny cat pictures, tweet funny cat pictures, look on Reddit for more funny cat pictures, rinse and repeat.

I apologize if I just described the majority of your waking life.But the affliction of attention saturation disorder is not limited to useless social media interactions.Earlier this year I experimented with giving up sports and politics for a month. I was blown away with how much information I once considered vital and important soon felt like meaningless fluff—sensationalized info-tainment meant to keep me clicking rather than informing and influencing my life.

Practice some self-discipline in your life.

YOU FAIL BECAUSE YOU DON’T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR LIFE

Also known as having-an-excuse-for-everything disorder. To fix the problems in your life you must have power over them. You can’t have power over aspects of your life unless you take responsibility for them. Therefore if you don’t take responsibility for what happens to you, you fail.

There are numerous situations in life which may seem completely unfair and insurmountable.

I know it’s tempting to blame your problems on some external factor, to insist that it was impossible, that it wasn’t your fault, that you couldn’t have done anything to help it

YOU FAIL BECAUSE YOU DON’T BELIEVE IT’S POSSIBLE

The mind’s unconscious beliefs about possibilities inform the level of effort and expectation of success from the body’s behavior. For instance, one study showed that athletes who held inaccurate positive beliefs about their own abilities outperformed athletes with accurate or negative beliefs about their own abilities.

YOU FAIL BECAUSE YOU’RE AFRAID TO CARE

Many people lack a clear, true passion. They’re reluctant to invest themselves top-to-bottom into a venture, project or pursuit. Many of them give up quickly. Others just lose interest. Many lack the wherewithal to even begin.Chronic indifference is an insidious defense mechanism. It undermines the drive and motivation required to overcome it.

Unconsciously, many people are terrified to invest themselves into something because investing themselves into it could potentially lead to failure and failure could potentially lead to a lot of thoughts their psyche is not yet prepared to face: questions about self-worth, competence, being worthy of love, etc.

YOU FAIL BECAUSE DEEP DOWN, YOU DON’T THINK YOU DESERVE WHAT YOU WANT

Many (or most) of the bullet points above are actually top layers for this underlying cause: believing you don’t deserve what you want.Many of us, at our core, have buried beliefs and feelings about ourselves that aren’t so savory. Maybe we were teased a lot growing up, or our parents and teachers told us we wouldn’t amount to anything, or we were punished for being smart by our peers.Whatever happened, something happened. And something inside us makes us feel uncomfortable with the idea of accomplishing too many great things as a result.

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